Hello, friends! It’s time for another week of watching people who are bad at relations rely on a giant crimson button to help them out. Let’s see how well that works out for everyone on tonight’s escapade!
As we open, the cast returns to the house to get ready for their “overnight relationship rehab, ” which is coincidentally also what I call it when I binge eat raw cookie dough at 1am after a bumpy breakup.
The cast gathers in the living room and they are disgusted with themselves. Disgusted! No , not because Grandma had to witness her favorite grandchild talk about” topping off” another shed member, but because they only got two beams last week( not including the perfect coincide ).
Nutsa said today they all need to get to know each other better and no one has gone to know her “deep enough.” WOW boys if that’s not an accusation of your skills in the bedroom I don’t know what is. Time to step it up. Bria, ever the pacifier, tells everyone to stop fighting because they need to work together as a team.
Daniel now officially testifies this “saucy-* ss season seven! ” and reveals his pits blots in an unconventional mating ritual that are able to justification Sam to lose control of her mental modules and hop his bones.
Cut to Maria and Shamoy in the Holiday Inn down the street
Back in the main house, the morning sunlight has shined its beautiful face on all our eager martyrs, and it’s period for them to go on their pairs retreat. Moe has faith that Terrence is well aware he’s doing. Oh, sugar! You feel Terry plans this?
Terry shows the cast where they are having their overnight affair rehab, and if they recalled this was the types of rehab where you run into Ben Affleck doing guided reflection and you’re weaned off your alcoholism with mimosas, they were sorely corrected. This “rehab” is some tents haphazardly set up in the timbers, ready to conceal some darknes, dark behaves.
Terry then tells the direct that they all need to learn from their past mistakes, so he cast their past mistakes to Hawaii to harass them. Naturally those “mistakes” are the shining examples of human beings they used to date.
Is it precisely me or do some of these girls seem way too excited at the future prospects of interpreting their exes?
Terry : And here are the dudes that ruined your lives!
Terry says not all the exes could make it, because regrettably only some of them could get the permission required from their parole officers( I accept ).
Zak is annoyed his “unloyal” ex will show up. Is that who you learned to be DISloyal from, sweetie?
Sam is persuaded her ex is not coming because it’s a Monday and he works 9-5, lol. Such good logic, except I labor a 9-5 errand more, Sammy, and that doesn’t prevent me from announcing out if I exclusively get 9 hours of sleep instead of 10. A girl necessity her glamour rest! I’m sure he could find an excuse to miss cultivate.
This whole situation is frankly a little confusing to me. If y’all didn’t want to see your exes again why didn’t you simply burn down their houses not give their name to the producers?
The cast starts to get their boozing on in the downpour before the exes show up. It’s important to be as sh* tfaced as is practicable, so as not to remember this ever happened. It’s the best way to do it. Of direction the first ex to show up is Zak’s because we really require more daughters on this establish to stroke his huge ego.
While the girls go to greet Zak’s ex, Lewis starts hanging around go looking for Bria because he didn’t come to this yoga retreat to not ensure some bloodshed, and goddamnit, neither did I. Lewis, you are a national rich.
Zak’s ex looks legit just like Sam. Is she wearing her surface as a clothing? They sit down. The gossip croaks like this.
Zak : How are you?
When Bria hears that Zak’s ex has built her way into their woods defendant, she runs outside so quickly it’s like someone just wailed that there’s half-priced Jell-O shots. She immediately starts mocking ex Emily’s appearance, which is something you should only do with your friends in a group chat while transmitting screenshots backward and forward, Bria. HAVE SOME CLASS.
Bria starts asking about how Zak played as a boyfriend, and then made available to make Emily a margarita. I’m suspicious. Did anyone check her pockets for cyanide?
By the bar, Samantha and Daniel are flirting over shots of anti-freeze when her ex Tyler saunters right up, still wearing the lei they gave him at international airports. He seems like the type to say a hottie “lei-ed” him , not mentioning she was paid to do it by United Airline.
Samantha is so surprised and asking how he got off employment. I’m not sure she understands how the professional world undertaking. Work is not actually prison, Samantha. That’s just something I dramatically say at 9:15 on Monday morning. It’s called hyperbole sweetie, look it up. They do actually let you take a vacation if you ask in writing 6-8 weeks in advance and your boss isn’t a vindictive psycho.
Daniel wants to talk to Tyler and says “can I only steal you for a sec? ” Tyler is immediately a huge douche and now I’m pondering how he got this 9-5 position. Family alliances? Because he has what my HR department would call “an unacceptably bad attitude that requires correction.” Not that I would know !!! Tyler basically heckles and warns Daniel and I’m wondering why he thinks this is a good sentiment? Daniel has about 30 pounds (??? sorry if this is totally off I’m bad at approximating weights, I could never work at a celebration) on him and isn’t “afraid youre going to” get a little aggressive.
In the yoga area, a cluster of people are laying around and drinking on mats that say “stop and give me zen.” That’s super cute and I’d entirely be in for those at like, a low-key bachelorette defendant, but they seem a little out of place at a recede that encourages people to imbibe to the detail of vomiting.
Kenya’s ex Daryl saunters in and he too looks like he scalped Tevin and is wearing him like a clothing. WHAT is with these doppelgangers? And, like, if lookalikes are this easy to find, where’s Jason Momoa’s double for me? Hmm?
Kenya and budget Tevin Daryl go talk privately in a tent. Daryl says he’s gonna passion Kenya forever and she DOES NOT SEEM over it. Kenya, you recognise you only signed up to date other dudes, right?
Next, Kayla’s ex saunters in. She says he left her in a really dark region so I can’t wait to see a mental dislocation here tonight, kinfolks. They leader over to the bar and he says she’s “a really sweet girl but once you get to know her better…” Oh, so he’s one of those.
Samantha and her ex Tyler are having a serious talk.
Tyler : Have you hooked up with anyone here
Samantha : I’ve made out with one guy
What is with these exes? They all seem genuinely surprised/ pissed that people they Ended UP WITH have made out with other parties on A DATING SHOW. Like, duh.
Tyler and Samantha are rehashing old wraps and she tells him that he’s toxic and her own personal label of heroin. Does heroin have brand names? If so, I disbelieve that a brand “wouldve been” identified Tyler. Like maybe Dwayne or something? Right? Heroin love, pls admonish.
Kayla is telling us that her ex was verbally and emotionally abusive. Well what the f* ck, MTV? Why are you paying for this a-hole to go to Hawaii? Abusers don’t deserve vacations! I’m only verbally abusive to myself, can I get a free ride to the Aloha State?
Kenya is setting on her ex Daryl’s lap talking, and he takes all the blame for breaking their relationship. That’s nice Daryl, but are you only “re saying that” because her ass is rubbing against your d* ck right now or nah?
The exes continue to stroll right into this Blair Witch nightmare the producers have set up, and next to emerge from the groves is Morgan’s ex, Leon. I exhale a sigh of succor when I discover him, because I precisely don’t think we’ve had enough follower buns this season.
Over by the bar, Kayla’s ex Ikaika( not the Swedish dwelling goods store) is sh* t talking her to all the busters. He’s mostly announcing her an nasty slut and he throws his drinking on Cam. That button-down was freshly pressed, you moron! He extends after Cam to fight, and clearly someone smuggled steroids up their butt into Hawaii, huh Ike? Thankfully, Tomas comes out of nowhere with the tackle. Poor Kayla is sobbing and I’m ashamed that Terry had this douche to be submitted to Hawaii. Ryan Devlin would never have done this to a woman.
Zak’s cathartic sobbing with his ex has inspired him to leave it a chance with Morgan. He contributes her over to his favorite hammock and says he wants to give it a try. Bria understands them and is instant possessed by the demon. She warning that she’s coming after Morgan and I hope person hides all the knives.
Kenya and Daryl are all over each other. Tevin is so upset, even his camo barrel hat is feeling collapsed. Jasmine, on the other mitt, is elated. She literally starts stretching her vagina in hopeful preparation for its meeting with Tevin afterward. More dominance to her, those moves ogle hard. I can’t even get my leg up on the bar at barre class without succor.
Someone handed out neon paint to these drunk fools and they are literally throwing it all over each other. It ogles cool right now, but that’s gonna be a b* tch to get out of the pubic hair, am I right Tevin?
Speaking of, Tevin said today Jasmine has been right about Kenya all along
Jasmine rn :
They start going hot and heavy in the shower, and we are left on a cliffhanger! Will Tevin and Jasmine eventually accomplish the relationship? Will all those steroids give Ikaika a stroke? Will someone get paint in a bad situate? Stay sung to identify areas next week!
Likeness: Giphy( 5 )