At dinner, there used to be magicians acting the tables. Photograph: Graham Turner for the Guide for the Guardian
In 2010 I went to the wedding of my ex-husbands boss. The liturgy has just taken place in a extremely fancy Footballers Wives-type inn in Surrey. Wed booked an everyday room but the groom had paid for everyone to be upgraded to suites with their own garden. He likewise withdrew 10,000 in currency the previous day merely is payable for all the various entertainers not including the cost of the inn, meat and potions of course.
We arrived to a fibre quartet, and the acrobats emerged shortly after that and did a routine while we imbibe champagne before the meal.The starter was asparagus whore, and as there had been so much champagne before the banquet, there was a rush for the loo before the main course. The smell of asparagus wee-wee when you opened the door to the females was extraordinary.
We then went into dinner where there were magicians working the tables. Just before pudding, the servers burst into song they were good and it was actually quite funny. The whole occasion was absolutely ridiculous and had nothing at all to do with two beings donating their love to one another. And by 4am the inn had exclusively run out of champagne, apparently. Quite the most horrible and yet startling marriage Ive ever been to.