At dinner, there were magicians working the tables. Photograph: Graham Turner for the Guide for the Guardian
In 2010 I went to the wedding of my ex-husbands boss. The ceremony took place in a very fancy Footballers Wives-type hotel in Surrey. Wed booked an ordinary room but the groom had paid for everyone to be upgraded to suites with their own garden. He also withdrew 10,000 in cash the day before just to pay for all the various entertainers not including the cost of the hotel, food and drinks of course.
We arrived to a string quartet, and the acrobats appeared shortly after that and did a routine while we drank champagne before the meal.The starter was asparagus tart, and as there had been so much champagne before the meal, there was a rush for the loo before the main course. The smell of asparagus wee when you opened the door to the ladies was extraordinary.
We then went into dinner where there were magicians working the tables. Just before pudding, the waiters burst into song they were good and it was actually quite funny. The whole thing was absolutely ridiculous and had nothing at all to do with two people pledging their love to one another. And by 4am the hotel had entirely run out of champagne, apparently. Quite the most horrible and yet astounding wedding Ive ever been to.