At dinner, there used to be magicians labor the tables. Photograph: Graham Turner for the Guide for the Guardian
In 2010 I went to the uniting of my ex-husbands boss. The rite has just taken place in a exceedingly fancy Footballers Wives-type hotel in Surrey. Wed booked an everyday room but the groom had paid for everyone to be upgraded to suites with their own plot. He too receded 10,000 in money the day before only to pay for all the different entertainers not including the cost of the inn, food and drinkings of course.
We arrived to a cord quadruplet, and the acrobats seemed shortly after that and did a routine while we booze champagne before the meal.The starter was asparagus floozy, and as there had been so much champagne before the banquet, there was a rush for the loo before the main course. The smell of asparagus wee-wee when you opened the door to the dames was extraordinary.
We then went into dinner where there were magicians operating the tables. Just before pudding, the waiters burst into song they were good and it was actually quite funny. The whole happening was absolutely ridiculous and had nothing at all to do with two parties donating their love to one another. And by 4am the inn had alone run out of champagne, apparently. Quite the most horrible and hitherto astounding uniting Ive ever been to.