At dinner, there were sorcerers wreaking the tables. Picture: Graham Turner for the Guide for the Guardian
In 2010 I went to the marriage of my ex-husbands boss. The ceremony took place in a extremely fancy Footballers Wives-type inn in Surrey. Wed booked an everyday chamber but the groom had paid for everyone to be upgraded to suites with their own garden. He also moved 10,000 in money the day before only is payable for all the different entertainers not including the cost of the inn, food and potions of course.
We arrived to a fibre quartet, and the acrobats sounded shortly after that and did a procedure while we imbibe champagne before the meal.The starter was asparagus prostitute, and as there had been so much champagne before the meal, there was a rush for the loo before the main course. The smell of asparagus wee-wee when you opened the door to the ladies was extraordinary.
We then went into dinner “where theres” magicians toiling the tables. Just before pudding, the waiters burst into song they were good and it was actually quite funny. The whole situation was absolutely ridiculous and had nothing at all to do with two parties pledging their “ve been wanting to” one another. And by 4am the hotel had only run out of champagne, apparently. Quite the most horrible and hitherto startling marriage Ive ever been to.