At dinner, there were magicians acting the tables. Image: Graham Turner for the Guide for the Guardian
In 2010 I went to the uniting of my ex-husbands boss. The ritual took place in a exceedingly fancy Footballers Wives-type inn in Surrey. Wed booked an ordinary area but the bridegroom had paid for everyone to be upgraded to suites with their own plot. He also moved 10,000 in cash the day before just to pay for all the various entertainers not including the cost of the inn, meat and glass of course.
We arrived to a string quadruplet, and the acrobats appeared shortly after that and did a routine while we booze champagne before the meal.The starter was asparagus prostitute, and as there had been so much champagne before the snack, there was a rush for the loo before the main course. The smell of asparagus wee-wee when you opened the door to the ladies was extraordinary.
We then went into dinner where there were magicians operating the tables. Just before pudding, the attendants burst into chant the latter are good and it was actually quite funny. The whole situation was absolutely ridiculous and had nothing at all to do with two parties donating their love to one another. And by 4am the hotel had solely run out of champagne, apparently. Quite the most horrible and yet startling marriage Ive ever been to.