At dinner, there were magicians running the tables. Photograph: Graham Turner for the Guide for the Guardian
In 2010 I went to the uniting of my ex-husbands boss. The liturgy took place in a very fancy Footballers Wives-type inn in Surrey. Wed booked an everyday area but the bridegroom had paid for everyone to be upgraded to suites with their own garden-variety. He too receded 10,000 in money the day before exactly to pay for all the various entertainers not including the cost of the inn, meat and potions of course.
We arrived to a cord quartet, and the acrobats seemed shortly after that and did a routine while we drink champagne before the meal.The starter was asparagus prostitute, and as there had been so much champagne before the meal, there was a rush for the loo before the main course. The smell of asparagus wee when you opened the door to the females was extraordinary.
We then went into dinner where there used to be magicians toiling the tables. Just before pudding, the servers burst into sung they were good and it was actually quite funny. The whole thing was absolutely ridiculous and had nothing at all to do with two parties pledging their love to one another. And by 4am the inn had wholly run out of champagne, apparently. Quite the most horrible and hitherto astounding wedding Ive ever been to.