At dinner, there were sorcerers working the tables. Image: Graham Turner for the Guide for the Guardian
In 2010 I went to the uniting of my ex-husbands boss. The ceremony took place in a extremely fancy Footballers Wives-type hotel in Surrey. Wed booked an ordinary chamber but the groom had paid for everyone to be upgraded to suites with their own garden-variety. He likewise withdrew 10,000 in cash the day before merely to pay for all the different entertainers not including the cost of the inn, meat and alcohols of course.
We arrived to a cord quartet, and the acrobats sounded shortly after that and did a procedure while we drink champagne before the meal.The starter was asparagus prostitute, and as there had been so much champagne before the banquet, there was a rush for the loo before the main course. The smell of asparagus wee when you opened the door to the maids was extraordinary.
We then went into dinner where there were magicians labouring the tables. Just before pudding, the waiters burst into song they were good and it was actually quite funny. The whole circumstance was absolutely ridiculous and had nothing at all to do with two beings pledging their love to one another. And by 4am the hotel had entirely run out of champagne, apparently. Quite the most horrible and hitherto stunning wedding Ive ever been to.