If youre over persons under the age of 25, June entails one of two things: either a) everyone you are familiar with and their own brother is getting married or b) youre getting married. There is no c. Those are the only two options. Fortunately, as we get closer to July, all the marry, charity, marriage bullshit starts to slow down because its so red-hot that getting married or doing anything that involves leaving the house announces fucking miz. In region of the eternally bridal appointment and better epoch ever Instagrams youll start to see baecation and never leaving ones take their region. In other paroles, honeymoon season is upon us. Thats why were breaking down what your honeymoon destination says about you. So you can choose wisely or evaluate the shit out of your tacky newlywed pals. Either acces you acquire!

1. Mexico

Cancun? For your honeymoon? Groundbreaking. Mexico, for some reasonablenes Ill never understand, has become the more popular place for newlyweds. Reasonably much, if this is what you choose, youre clich af. Your hubs probs booked this for you and freaked the fuck out when he found a lieu where all the nutrient was included. Bless him and his cheap-ass nature. Youll enjoy yourself, but secretly youll be thinking about how much more recreation you had in Mexico during spring terminate sophomore time and how much better the sexuality was with Johnny the Sigma Chi than your brand-new spouse. Bummer. Like your unoriginal honeymoon choice, youll live a fairly basic life. In a few years, youll move to the suburbium, pop out a few teenagers and live a altogether boring life.

2. Europe

Youre doing the honeymoon for the ‘gram and everyone knows it. You care a lot what people conceive and want to come off as road more cultured and original than your other newlywed pals who are laying on a beach somewhere. Your best memories were probs from when you learnt abroad in Europe and you compelled your fianc into booking this trip-up instead of an all-inclusive somewhere because you wanted to make those same recognitions with him. Vom. Because you care so much about what parties remember, your matrimony searches perfect to foreigners but behind closed doors some serious shit is down. Youll simulated everything is okay until you catch him bolt his secretary and then youll furrow his ass and take his money with you. Mazel!

3. Anywhere In The Continental U.S.

I mean, gravely? I know the Grand Canyon is pretty and Napa has some “of the worlds” good wine-coloured, but live a little. You exactly tied yourself to one person and missionary copulation for the rest of your life, the least you can do is leave the country. When “youre staying” stateside, you make the Mexico crew definitely sounds like true-life wanderlustersthats how fucking lame you are. When parties ask why youre not actually going somewhere, youll act all holier than thou about not involving a fancy excursion because wedding your soulmate is celebration enough but deep down youre already starting to hysterium about how uneventfully your life is washing out. I’m not saying anyone who has their honeymoon in the U.S. is destined to have a mid-life crisis where they freak out, fuck the red-hot new intern at their position, and have a chaotic divorce, but I’m also not saying that.

4. French Polynesia

Tahiti, Bora Bora and the likes are reserved for the super prosperous nostalgic natures. Sure, most honeymoons cost more than what a duet can render, but it takes genuine fund is capable of being put $20 k on a week-long vacay. Like, I cant do that even if I wanted to.( Ok, you got me, I want to .) Your marriage is likely in finance or taking over their own families business, while you have family coin but managed to land a assassin PR job right out of college. When you decide to have girls youll hire at the least three nannies and said here today because youre working parents, but actually its because you dont want to give up your sumptuous lifestyle of traveling of all the countries and black tie galas.

5. Caribbean

Anywhere in the Caribbean tends to be a popular select when it comes to choosing the perfect place for a honeymoon. There are different islands for different vibes: Jamaica and Puerto Rico for median peeps, St. Barts and Anguilla for the bougie betches, and a knot of shit in the middle. If you go to the Caribbean after your wedding youre most likely the life of the party and everyone likes you. Youre not as lame as the people going to Mexico but not as snobby the Bora Bora crew. Youll live in the city for a few years and then move to an up-and-coming suburbium when you decide to start a fam. Your minors will probs be cool extremely and youll grow old with your cool little family.

6. Asia

Like the newlyweds that go to Europe, you care what WAY too much people fantasize and cant just waiting pole honeymoon pics of your Asian adventure on social media, but rather than being a sophisticated, Upper East side type, youre a hipster duo that composts all your waste and reviewers the shit out of people who conclude Starbucks is good coffee. In other paroles, your bridal had mason flasks and burlap and you’re kind of the worst. When you get home, youll tell everyone that assuring the Tian Tan Buddha statue in Hong Kong was the most spiritual extraordinary time of their own lives, but you actually liked riding elephants in Thailand better. In the future, youll exchange your suite in the city to get a tiny cabin or an RV or some other hipster bullshit in the middle of nowhere. Youll go off the grid and no one will miss you. Oh, and you smoke a lot of weed.

7. Hawaii

Hawaii is for the couple who, despite is available on their late 20 s, is actually like fucking 40 years old at heart. If this is you, you stopped taking family planning on the wedding night and will probably was pregnant sometime during the excursion because youre ready to be a mama like, yesterday. The wedding ceremony was in a religion that youve been going to your whole life and there was a receipt right after in a barn with only beer and wine-colored. Id bet your last name is Smith or Jones. In a few years, youll grow the chairperson of the PTA and start a blog about motherhood called Mom-Stop, a play on non-stop that no one will pick up on.

8. A Cruise

Are you fucking kidding me? A sail? For your honeymoon? Gross. Thats all.