If youre over the age of 25, June makes one of two things: either a) everyone you know and their fucking brother is getting married or b) youre getting married. “Were not receiving” c. Those are the only two options. Luckily, as we get closer to July, all the marry, charity, wedlock bullshit starts to slow down because its so red-hot that getting married or doing anything that involves leaving the house chimes fucking miz. In neighbourhood of the eternally bridal year and excellent era ever Instagrams youll start to see baecation and never leaving ones take their target. In other terms, honeymoon season is upon us. Thats why were breaking down what your honeymoon destination says about you. So you can choose wisely or evaluate the shit out of your dowdy newlywed sidekicks. Either route you win!

1. Mexico

Cancun? For your honeymoon? Groundbreaking. Mexico, for some rationale Ill never understand, has become the more popular recognize for newlyweds. Jolly much, if this is what you choose, youre clich af. Your hub probs booked this for you and freaked the fuck out when he found a neighbourhood where all the nutrient was included. Bless him and his cheap-ass mettle. Youll enjoy yourself, but secretly youll be thinking about how much more recreation you had in Mexico during spring escape sophomore time and how much better the sexuality was with Johnny the Sigma Chi than your new marriage. Bummer. Like your unoriginal honeymoon pick, youll live a pretty basic life. In a few years, youll move to the neighbourhood, pop out a few girls and live a absolutely boring life.

2. Europe

Youre doing the honeymoon for the ‘gram and everyone knows it. You care a lot what parties reckon and want to come off as room more cultured and original than your other newlywed pals who are laying on a beach somewhere. The very best recalls were probs from when you examined abroad in Europe and you pressured your fianc into booking this journey instead of an all-inclusive somewhere because you wanted to make those same recognitions with him. Vom. Because you care so much about what people visualize, your union examines perfect to foreigners but behind closed doors some serious shit is down. Youll pretend everything is okay until you catch him bolt his secretary and then youll furrow his ass and take his money with you. Mazel!

3. Anywhere In The Continental U.S.

I mean, seriously? I know the Grand Canyon is pretty and Napa has some “of the worlds” better wine, but live a little. You only tied yourself to one person and missionary fornication for the rest of their own lives, the least you can do is leave the country. When you stay stateside, you manufacture the Mexico crew definitely sounds like true-life wanderlustersthats how fucking lame “you think youre”. When parties ask why youre not actually “re going away”, youll behave all holier than thou about not requiring a fancy expedition because wedding your soulmate is celebration enough but deep down youre already starting to panic about how uneventfully your life is washing out. I’m not saying anyone who has their honeymoon in the U.S. is destined to have a mid-life crisis where they freak out, fuck the hot brand-new intern at their profession, and have a messy divorce, but I’m too not saying that.

4. French Polynesia

Tahiti, Bora Bora and the likes are reserved for the super wealthy nostalgic kinds. Sure, most honeymoons cost more than what a duet can afford, but it takes true-life money to be able to decline $20 k on a week-long vacay. Like, I cant do that even if I wanted to.( Ok, you got me, I want to .) Your spouse is possibly in commerce or taking over the family business, while you have house money but “ve managed” land a gunman PR job right out of college. When you decide to have boys youll hire at least three nannies and say its because youre working parents, but certainly its because you dont want to give up your palatial life-style of traveling around the world and black tie galas.

5. Caribbean

Anywhere in the Caribbean tends to be a popular select when it comes to chosen by the perfect smudge for a honeymoon. There are different islands for different vibes: Jamaica and Puerto Rico for median peeps, St. Barts and Anguilla for the bougie betches, and a knot of shit in the middle. If you go to the Caribbean after your wedding youre most probably the life of the party and everyone likes you. Youre not as lame as the people going to Mexico but not as snobby the Bora Bora gang. Youll live in the city for a few years and then move to an up-and-coming suburb when you decide to start a fam. Your minors will probs be cool extremely and youll grow old with your cool little family.

6. Asia

Like the newlyweds that go to Europe, you care what WAY too much people reckon and cant just waiting pole honeymoon pics of your Asian adventure on social media, but rather than being a sophisticated, Upper East side type, youre a hipster couple that composts all your consume and evaluates the shit out of people who recall Starbucks is good coffee. In other statements, your wed had mason flasks and burlap and you’re kind of the worst. When you get home, youll tell everyone that hearing the Tian Tan Buddha statue in Hong Kong was the most spiritual marvelous moment of their own lives, but you actually liked journeying elephants in Thailand better. In the future, youll sell your accommodation in the city to get a minuscule hut or an RV or some other hipster bullshit in the middle of nowhere. Youll go off the grid and no one will miss you. Oh, and you smoke a lot of weed.

7. Hawaii

Hawaii is for the couple who, despite is available on their late 20 s, is actually like fucking 40 years old at heart. If this is you, you stopped taking family planning on the wedding night and is very likely to get pregnant sometime during the trip-up because youre ready to be a mommy like, yesterday. The wedding ceremony was in a faith that youve been going to your whole life and there was a reception right after in a barn with only beer and wine-coloured. Id bet your last name is Smith or Jones. In a few years, youll grow the chairperson of the PTA and start a blog about motherhood called Mom-Stop, a play on non-stop that no one will pick up on.

8. A Cruise

Are you fucking kidding me? A sail? For your honeymoon? Gross. Thats all.