If youre over persons under the age of 25, June represents one of two things: either a) everyone you know and their own brother is getting married or b) youre getting married. “Were not receiving” c. Those are the only two alternatives. Luckily, as we get closer to July, all the wedding, ardour, union bullshit starts to slow down because its so hot that getting married or doing anything that involves leaving the house announces fucking miz. In region of the forever marry time and better day ever Instagrams youll start to see baecation and never leaving ones take their residence. In other messages, honeymoon season is upon us. Thats why were breaking down what your honeymoon destination says about you. So you can choose wisely or evaluate the shit out of your seedy miserable newlywed friends. Either mode you prevail!

1. Mexico

Cancun? For your honeymoon? Groundbreaking. Mexico, for some reasonablenes Ill never understand, has become the most popular spot for newlyweds. Quite much, if this is what you choose, youre clich af. Your centre probs booked this for you and freaked the fuck out when he found a place where all the nutrient was included. Bless him and his cheap-ass center. Youll enjoy yourself, but secretly youll be thinking about how much more enjoyable you had in Mexico during outpouring transgres sophomore time and how much better the sexuality was with Johnny the Sigma Chi than your brand-new spouse. Bummer. Like your unoriginal honeymoon pick, youll live a quite basic life. In a few years, youll move to the suburbium, pop out a few minors and live a totally boring life.

2. Europe

Youre doing the honeymoon for the ‘gram and everyone is well aware. You care a lot what parties envision and want to come off as style more cultured and original than your other newlywed sidekicks who are laying on a beach somewhere. Your best remembrances were probs from when you learnt abroad in Europe and you obliged your fianc into booking this trip-up instead of an all-inclusive somewhere because you wanted to make those same recollections with him. Vom. Because you care so much about what beings speculate, your marriage ogles perfect to strangers but behind closed doors some serious shit goes down. Youll simulated everything is okay until you catch him bolt his secretary and then youll trench his ass and take his fund with you. Mazel!

3. Anywhere In The Continental U.S.

I mean, seriously? I know the Grand Canyon is pretty and Napa has some of the worlds best wine, but live a bit. You just tied yourself to one person and missionary copulation for the rest of their own lives, the least you can do is leave the country. When you stay stateside, you make the Mexico crew definitely sounds like true-blue wanderlustersthats how fucking lame “you think youre”. When people ask why youre not actually “re going away”, youll act all holier than thou about not necessity a fancy expedition because wedding your soulmate is celebration enough but deep down youre already starting to anxiety about how uneventfully your life is panning out. I’m not saying anyone who has their honeymoon in the U.S. is destined to have a mid-life crisis where they freak out, fuck the hot brand-new intern at their errand, and have a chaotic divorce, but I’m also not saying that.

4. French Polynesia

Tahiti, Bora Bora and the likes are reserved for the super prosperous nostalgic kinds. Sure, most honeymoons payment more than what a duo can yield, but it takes true-blue money to be able to fell $20 k on a week-long vacay. Like, I cant do that even if I wanted to.( Ok, you got me, I want to .) Your spouse is perhaps in investment or taking over the family business, while you have kinfolk money but managed to property a executioner PR job right out of college. When you decide to have minors youll hire at the least three nannies and said here today because youre working parents, but truly its because you dont want to give up your deluxe lifestyle of traveling around the world and black tie galas.

5. Caribbean

Anywhere in the Caribbean tends to be a popular option when it comes to choosing the perfect place for a honeymoon. There are different islands for different vibes: Jamaica and Puerto Rico for median peeps, St. Barts and Anguilla for the bougie betches, and a cluster of shit in the middle. If you go to the Caribbean after your wedding youre most likely the life of the party and everyone likes you. Youre not as lame as the peoples of the territories going to Mexico but not as snobby the Bora Bora gang. Youll live in the city for a few years and then move to an up-and-coming outskirt when you decide to start a fam. Your children will probs be cool very and youll grow old with your cool little family.

6. Asia

Like the newlyweds that go to Europe, you care what WAY too much parties make and cant wait to upright honeymoon pics of your Asian adventure on social media, but rather than being a sophisticated, Upper East side type, youre a hipster couple that composts all your squander and magistrates the shit out of people who remember Starbucks is good coffee. In other texts, your bridal had mason containers and burlap and you’re kind of the worst. When you get home, youll tell everyone that witnessing the Tian Tan Buddha statue in Hong Kong was the most spiritual incredible moment of their own lives, but you actually liked journeying elephants in Thailand better. In the future, youll sell your suite in the city to get a tiny room or an RV or some other hipster bullshit in the middle of nowhere. Youll go off the grid and no one will miss you. Oh, and you smoke a lot of weed.

7. Hawaii

Hawaii is for the couple who, despite is available on their late 20 s, is actually like fucking 40 years old at heart. If this is you, you stopped taking birth control on the wedding night and will probably get pregnant sometime during the trip because youre ready to be a mummy like, yesterday. The wedding ceremony was in a faith that youve been going to your whole life and there was a receipt right after in a barn with only brew and wine-coloured. Id bet your last name is Smith or Jones. In a few years, youll become the chairperson of the PTA and start a blog about motherhood announced Mom-Stop, a play on non-stop that no one will pick up on.

8. A Cruise

Are you fucking kidding me? A cruise? For your honeymoon? Gross. Thats all.