If youre over persons under the age of 25, June intends one of two things: either a) everyone you know and their own brother is getting married or b) youre getting married. “Were not receiving” c. Those are the only two options. Fortunately, as we get closer to July, all the wedding, enjoy, wedding bullshit starts to slow down because its so hot that getting married or doing anything that involves leaving the house chimes fucking miz. In neighbourhood of the eternally bridal appointment and best daylight ever Instagrams youll start to see baecation and never leaving ones take their place. In other texts, honeymoon season is upon us. Thats why were breaking down what your honeymoon destination says about you. So you can choose wisely or adjudicate the shit out of your tacky newlywed friends. Either style you prevail!

1. Mexico

Cancun? For your honeymoon? Groundbreaking. Mexico, for some reasonablenes Ill never understand, has become the most popular recognize for newlyweds. Quite much, if this is what you choose, youre clich af. Your hub probs booked this for you and freaked the fuck out when he found a target where all the food was included. Bless him and his cheap-ass soul. Youll enjoy yourself, but privately youll be thinking about how much more enjoyable you had in Mexico during spring interruption sophomore year and how much better the sexuality was with Johnny the Sigma Chi than your new spouse. Bummer. Like your unoriginal honeymoon pick, youll live a pretty basic life. In a few years, youll move to the suburbium, pop out a few boys and live a wholly boring life.

2. Europe

Youre doing the honeymoon for the ‘gram and everyone is well aware. You care a lot what people recall and want to come off as acces more cultured and original than your other newlywed sidekicks who are laying on a beach somewhere. Your best reminiscences were probs from when you examined abroad in Europe and you obliged your fianc into booking this excursion instead of an all-inclusive somewhere because you wanted to make those same reminiscences with him. Vom. Because you care so much about what parties guess, your union examines perfect to foreigners but behind closed doors some serious shit goes down. Youll simulated everything is okay until you catch him clamping his secretary and then youll gully his ass and take his fund with you. Mazel!

3. Anywhere In The Continental U.S.

I mean, seriously? I know the Grand Canyon is pretty and Napa has some of the worlds better wine-coloured, but live a bit. You just tied yourself to one person and missionary sexuality for the rest of their own lives, the least you can do is leave the country. When “youre staying” stateside, you become the Mexico crew definitely sounds like genuine wanderlustersthats how fucking lame “you think youre”. When people ask why youre not actually “re going away”, youll behave all holier than thou about not necessity a fancy expedition because marrying your soulmate is celebration enough but deep down youre already starting to panic about how uneventfully your life is panning out. I’m not saying anyone who has their honeymoon in the U.S. is destined to have a mid-life crisis where they freak out, fuck the red-hot brand-new intern at their chore, and have a messy divorce, but I’m also not saying that.

4. French Polynesia

Tahiti, Bora Bora and the likes are reserved for the super affluent romantic sorts. Sure, most honeymoons cost more than what a duet can yield, but it takes genuine fund is capable of being drop $20 k on a week-long vacay. Like, I cant do that even if I wanted to.( Ok, you got me, I want to .) Your spouse is perhaps in investment or taking over their own families business, while you have house money but “ve managed” property a gunman PR job right out of college. When you decide to have kids youll hire at the least three nannies and say its because youre working parents, but really its because you dont want to give up your opulent lifestyle of traveling of all the countries and black tie galas.

5. Caribbean

Anywhere in the Caribbean tends to be a popular selection when it comes to chosen by the perfect recognise for a honeymoon. There are different islands for different vibes: Jamaica and Puerto Rico for median peeps, St. Barts and Anguilla for the bougie betches, and a cluster of shit in the middle. If you go to the Caribbean after your wedding youre most probably the life of the party and everyone likes you. Youre not as lame as the people going to Mexico but not as snobby the Bora Bora gang. Youll live in the city for a few years and then move to an up-and-coming neighbourhood when you decide to start a fam. Your children will probs be cool more and youll grow old with your cool little family.

6. Asia

Like the newlyweds that go to Europe, you care what WAY too much beings reckon and cant just waiting upright honeymoon pics of your Asian adventure on social media, but rather than being a sophisticated, Upper East side type, youre a hipster duo that composts all your waste and evaluates the shit out of people who envisage Starbucks is good coffee. In other words, your wedding had mason jars and burlap and you’re kind of the worst. When you get home, youll tell everyone that interpreting the Tian Tan Buddha statue in Hong Kong was the most spiritual breathtaking time of your life, but you actually liked razzing elephants in Thailand better. In the future, youll sell your suite in the town to get a tiny room or an RV or some other hipster bullshit in the middle of nowhere. Youll go off the grid and no one will miss you. Oh, and you inhale a lot of weed.

7. Hawaii

Hawaii is for the couple who, despite is available on their late 20 s, is actually like fucking 40 years old at heart. If this is you, you stopped taking birth control on the wedding night and will probably get pregnant sometime during the trip because youre ready to be a mama like, yesterday. The wedding ceremony was in a church that youve been going to your whole life and there was a receipt right after in a barn with alone beer and wine-colored. Id bet your last name is Smith or Jones. In a few years, youll grow the chairperson of the PTA and start a blog about motherhood announced Mom-Stop, a play on non-stop that no one will pick up on.

8. A Cruise

Are you fucking kidding me? A sail? For your honeymoon? Gross. Thats all.