If youre over persons under the age of 25, June makes one of two things: either a) everyone you know and their own brother is getting married or b) youre getting married. There is no c. Those are the only two options. Luckily, as we get closer to July, all the wedding, cherish, wedlock bullshit starts to slow down because its so hot that getting married or doing anything that involves leaving the house voices fucking miz. In neighbourhood of the eternally bridal date and good era ever Instagrams youll start to see baecation and never leaving ones take their situate. In other statements, honeymoon season is upon us. Thats why were breaking down what your honeymoon destination says about you. So you can choose wisely or adjudicate the shit out of your seedy newlywed sidekicks. Either practice you win!

1. Mexico

Cancun? For your honeymoon? Groundbreaking. Mexico, for some intellect Ill never understand, has become the more popular recognise for newlyweds. Pretty much, if this is what you choose, youre clich af. Your centre probs booked this for you and freaked the fuck out when he found a region where all the nutrient was included. Bless him and his cheap-ass center. Youll enjoy yourself, but privately youll be thinking about how much more merriment you had in Mexico during spring violate sophomore time and how much better the fornication was with Johnny the Sigma Chi than your new spouse. Bummer. Like your unoriginal honeymoon selection, youll live a fairly basic life. In a few years, youll move to the outskirt, pop out a few teenagers and live a entirely boring life.

2. Europe

Youre doing the honeymoon for the ‘gram and everyone knows it. You care a lot what parties belief and want to come off as direction more cultured and original than your other newlywed acquaintances who are laying on a beach somewhere. Your best remembrances were probs from when you investigated abroad in Europe and you pressured your fianc into booking this tour instead of an all-inclusive somewhere because you wanted to make those same storages with him. Vom. Because you care so much about what people make, your wedlock seems perfect to outsiders but behind closed doors some serious shit goes down. Youll simulate everything is okay until you catch him clamping his secretary and then youll ditch his ass and take his fund with you. Mazel!

3. Anywhere In The Continental U.S.

I mean, gravely? I know the Grand Canyon is pretty and Napa has some of the worlds excellent wine, but live a little. You only tied yourself to one person and missionary sex for the rest of their own lives, the least you can do is leave the country. When “youre staying” stateside, you reach the Mexico crew look like true wanderlustersthats how fucking lame you are. When beings ask why youre not actually “re going away”, youll behave all holier than thou about not necessary a fancy tour because wedding your soulmate is celebration enough but deep down youre already starting to anxiety about how uneventfully your life is washing out. I’m not saying anyone who has their honeymoon in the U.S. is destined to have a mid-life crisis where they freak out, fuck the hot new intern at their responsibility, and have a chaotic divorce, but I’m likewise not saying that.

4. French Polynesia

Tahiti, Bora Bora and the likes are reserved for the super prosperous nostalgic characters. Sure, most honeymoons expenditure more than what a duo can afford, but it takes true-life coin to be able to drop-off $20 k on a week-long vacay. Like, I cant do that even if I wanted to.( Ok, you got me, I want to .) Your spouse is likely in finance or taking over the family business, while you have lineage money but “ve managed” land a executioner PR job right out of college. When you decide to have boys youll hire at the least three nannies and say its because youre working parents, but actually its because you dont want to give up your comfortable life of traveling of all the countries and black tie galas.

5. Caribbean

Anywhere in the Caribbean tends to be a popular option when it comes to choosing the perfect discern for a honeymoon. There are different islands for different vibes: Jamaica and Puerto Rico for average peeps, St. Barts and Anguilla for the bougie betches, and a cluster of shit in the middle. If you go to the Caribbean after your wedding youre most probably the life of the party and everyone likes you. Youre not as lame as the peoples of the territories going to Mexico but not as snobby the Bora Bora crew. Youll live in the city for a few years and then move to an up-and-coming suburbium when you decide to start a fam. Your girls will probs be cool too and youll grow old with your cool little family.

6. Asia

Like the newlyweds that go to Europe, you care what WAY too much people contemplate and cant wait to pole honeymoon pics of your Asian adventure on social media, but rather than being a sophisticated, Upper East side type, youre a hipster duo that composts all your garbage and adjudicates the shit out of people who fantasize Starbucks is good coffee. In other words, your wedding had mason cups and burlap and you’re kind of the worst. When you get home, youll tell everyone that understanding the Tian Tan Buddha statue in Hong Kong was the most spiritual incredible time of your life, but you actually liked riding elephants in Thailand better. In the future, youll exchange your accommodation in the town to get a minuscule hut or an RV or some other hipster bullshit in the middle of nowhere. Youll go off the grid and no one will miss you. Oh, and you inhale a lot of weed.

7. Hawaii

Hawaii is for the couple who, despite being in their late 20 s, is actually like fucking 40 years old at heart. If this is you, you stopped taking family planning on the wedding night and is very likely to was pregnant sometime during the course of its expedition because youre ready to be a momma like, yesterday. The wedding ceremony was in a church that youve been going to your whole life and there was a reception right after in a barn with alone brew and wine. Id bet your last name is Smith or Jones. In a few years, youll become the chairperson of the PTA and start a blog about motherhood called Mom-Stop, a play on non-stop that no one will pick up on.

8. A Cruise

Are you fucking kidding me? A cruise? For your honeymoon? Gross. Thats all.