If youre over the age of 25, June signifies one of two things: either a) everyone you know and their own brother is getting married or b) youre getting married. There is no c. Those are the only two options. Fortunately, as we get closer to July, all the wedding, affection, matrimony bullshit starts to slow down because its so hot that getting married or doing anything that involves leaving the house voices fucking miz. In target of the forever wedding year and best date ever Instagrams youll start to see baecation and never leaving ones take their neighbourhood. In other messages, honeymoon season is upon us. Thats why were breaking down what your honeymoon destination says about you. So you can choose wisely or judge the shit out of your shabby newlywed friends. Either direction you prevail!

1. Mexico

Cancun? For your honeymoon? Groundbreaking. Mexico, for some ground Ill never understand, has become the most popular discern for newlyweds. Jolly much, if this is what you choose, youre clich af. Your centre probs booked this for you and freaked the fuck out when he found a residence where all the food was included. Bless him and his cheap-ass mettle. Youll enjoy yourself, but privately youll be thinking about how much more fun you had in Mexico during outpouring destroy sophomore time and how much better the fornication was with Johnny the Sigma Chi than your new marriage. Bummer. Like your unoriginal honeymoon pick, youll live a quite basic life. In a few years, youll move to the outskirt, pop out a few girls and live a totally boring life.

2. Europe

Youre doing the honeymoon for the ‘gram and everyone knows it. You care a lot what people envisage and want to come off as channel more cultured and original than your other newlywed friends who are laying on a beach somewhere. The very best remembrances were probs from when you analyse abroad in Europe and you coerced your fianc into booking this expedition instead of an all-inclusive somewhere because you wanted to make those same recognitions with him. Vom. Because you care so much about what beings see, your matrimony gazes perfect to strangers but behind closed doors some serious shit is down. Youll simulated everything is okay until you catch him bolt his secretary and then youll furrow his ass and take his coin with you. Mazel!

3. Anywhere In The Continental U.S.

I mean, gravely? I know the Grand Canyon is pretty and Napa has some “of the worlds” best wine-colored, but live a bit. You merely tied yourself to one person and missionary fornication for the rest of your life, the least you can do is leave the country. When “youre staying” stateside, you oblige the Mexico crew definitely sounds like true wanderlustersthats how fucking lame you are. When beings ask why youre not actually “re going away”, youll act all holier than thou about not necessity a fancy journey because marrying your soulmate is celebration enough but deep down youre already starting to hysterium about how uneventfully your life is panning out. I’m not saying anyone who has their honeymoon in the U.S. is destined to have a mid-life crisis where they freak out, fuck the hot new apprentice at their activity, and have a chaotic divorce, but I’m too not saying that.

4. French Polynesia

Tahiti, Bora Bora and the likes are reserved for the super wealthy nostalgic kinds. Sure, most honeymoons overhead more than what a duet can yield, but it takes true money to be able to cease $20 k on a week-long vacay. Like, I cant do that even if I wanted to.( Ok, you got me, I want to .) Your spouse is probably in busines or taking over the family business, while you have pedigree money but managed to land a killer PR job right out of college. When you decide to have boys youll hire at least three nannies and said here today because youre working parents, but really its because you dont want to give up your deluxe life-style of traveling around the world and black tie galas.

5. Caribbean

Anywhere in the Caribbean tends to be a popular alternative when it comes to choosing the perfect smudge for a honeymoon. There are different islands for different vibes: Jamaica and Puerto Rico for median peeps, St. Barts and Anguilla for the bougie betches, and a knot of shit in the middle. If you go to the Caribbean after your wedding youre most likely the life of the party and everyone likes you. Youre not as lame as the peoples of the territories going to Mexico but not as snobby the Bora Bora gang. Youll live in the city for a few years and then move to an up-and-coming outskirt when you decide to start a fam. Your teenagers will probs be cool very and youll grow old with your cool little family.

6. Asia

Like the newlyweds that go to Europe, you care what WAY too much parties belief and cant just waiting berth honeymoon pics of your Asian adventure on social media, but rather than being a sophisticated, Upper East side type, youre a hipster couple that composts all your garbage and adjudicators the shit out of people who imagine Starbucks is good coffee. In other texts, your wed had mason flasks and burlap and you’re kind of the worst. When you get home, youll tell everyone that seeing the Tian Tan Buddha statue in Hong Kong was the most spiritual unbelievable time of their own lives, but you actually liked journeying elephants in Thailand better. In the future, youll exchange your accommodation in the city to get a minuscule cabin or an RV or some other hipster bullshit in the middle of nowhere. Youll go off the grid and no one will miss you. Oh, and you inhale a lot of weed.

7. Hawaii

Hawaii is for the couple who, despite is available on their late 20 s, is actually like fucking 40 years old at heart. If this is you, you stopped taking family planning on the wedding night and will probably get pregnant sometime during the journey because youre ready to be a momma like, yesterday. The wedding ceremony was in a religion that youve been going to your whole life and there was a reception right after in a barn with alone brew and wine-colored. Id bet your last name is Smith or Jones. In a few years, youll become the president of the PTA and start a blog about motherhood called Mom-Stop, a play on non-stop that no one will pick up on.

8. A Cruise

Are you fucking kidding me? A sail? For your honeymoon? Gross. Thats all.