If youre over the age of 25, June signifies one of two things: either a) everyone you know and their own brother is getting married or b) youre getting married. There is no c. Those are the only two options. Fortunately, as we get closer to July, all the bridal, cherish, marriage bullshit starts to slow down because its so hot that getting married or doing anything that involves leaving the house chimes fucking miz. In target of the forever wed date and best epoch ever Instagrams youll start to see baecation and never leaving ones take their region. In other texts, honeymoon season is upon us. Thats why were breaking down what your honeymoon destination tells about you. So you can choose wisely or adjudicate the shit out of your tacky dreary newlywed acquaintances. Either road you acquire!

1. Mexico

Cancun? For your honeymoon? Groundbreaking. Mexico, for some reason Ill never understand, has become the more popular smudge for newlyweds. Quite much, if this is what you choose, youre clich af. Your hub probs booked this for you and freaked the fuck out when he found a place where all the food was included. Bless him and his cheap-ass soul. Youll enjoy yourself, but secretly youll be thinking about how much more enjoyable you had in Mexico during spring snap sophomore year and how much better the fornication was with Johnny the Sigma Chi than your brand-new spouse. Bummer. Like your unoriginal honeymoon alternative, youll live a pretty basic life. In a few years, youll move to the suburb, pop out a few boys and live a altogether boring life.

2. Europe

Youre doing the honeymoon for the ‘gram and everyone knows it. You care a lot what beings consider and want to come off as road more cultured and original than your other newlywed pals who are laying on a beach somewhere. Your best retentions were probs from when you considered abroad in Europe and you compelled your fianc into booking this trip instead of an all-inclusive somewhere because you wanted to establish those same remembers with him. Vom. Because you care so much about what parties envisage, your wedlock examines perfect to foreigners but behind closed doors some serious shit is down. Youll pretend everything is okay until you catch him clamping his secretary and then youll trench his ass and take his fund with you. Mazel!

3. Anywhere In The Continental U.S.

I mean, gravely? I know the Grand Canyon is pretty and Napa has some of “the worlds” good wine, but live a bit. You merely tied yourself to one person and missionary fornication for the rest of their own lives, the least you can do is leave the country. When “youre staying” stateside, you acquire the Mexico crew look like true wanderlustersthats how fucking lame you are. When beings ask why youre not actually “re going away”, youll act all holier than thou about not involving a fancy trip because marrying your soulmate is celebration enough but deep down youre already starting to terror about how uneventfully your life is panning out. I’m not saying anyone who has their honeymoon in the U.S. is destined to have a mid-life crisis where they freak out, fuck the red-hot brand-new apprentice at their job, and have a messy divorce, but I’m likewise not saying that.

4. French Polynesia

Tahiti, Bora Bora and the likes are reserved for the super wealthy nostalgic categories. Sure, most honeymoons expenditure more than what a duo can afford, but it takes true money is capable of being sag $20 k on a week-long vacay. Like, I cant do that even if I wanted to.( Ok, you got me, I want to .) Your spouse is possibly in commerce or taking over the family business, while you have clas money but “ve managed” property a executioner PR job right out of college. When you decide to have boys youll hire at least three nannies and say its because youre working parents, but truly its because you dont want to give up your luxurious life of traveling of all the countries and black tie galas.

5. Caribbean

Anywhere in the Caribbean tends to be a popular selection when it comes to chosen by the perfect place for a honeymoon. There are different islands for different vibes: Jamaica and Puerto Rico for median peeps, St. Barts and Anguilla for the bougie betches, and a cluster of shit in the middle. If you go to the Caribbean after your wedding youre most likely the life of the party and everyone likes you. Youre not as lame as the people going to Mexico but not as snobby the Bora Bora gang. Youll live in the city for a few years and then move to an up-and-coming outskirt when you decide to start a fam. Your teenagers will probs be cool very and youll grow old with your cool little family.

6. Asia

Like the newlyweds that go to Europe, you care what WAY too much people belief and cant wait to post honeymoon pics of your Asian adventure on social media, but rather than being a sophisticated, Upper East side type, youre a hipster duo that composts all your trash and reviewers the shit out of people who envision Starbucks is good coffee. In other paroles, your wedding had mason containers and burlap and you’re kind of the worst. When you get home, youll tell everyone that appreciating the Tian Tan Buddha statue in Hong Kong was the most stupendous moment of their own lives, but you actually liked travelling elephants in Thailand better. In the future, youll sell your apartment in the town to get a minuscule hut or an RV or some other hipster bullshit in the middle of nowhere. Youll go off the grid and nobody will “ve missed you”. Oh, and you inhale a lot of weed.

7. Hawaii

Hawaii is for the couple who, despite is available on their late 20 s, is actually like fucking 40 years old at heart. If this is you, you stopped taking birth control on the wedding night and is very likely to get pregnant sometime during the course of its tour because youre ready to be a mummy like, yesterday. The wedding ceremony was in a faith that youve been going to your whole life and there was a receipt right after in a barn with only beer and wine-colored. Id bet your last name is Smith or Jones. In a few years, youll become the president of the PTA and start a blog about motherhood called Mom-Stop, a play on non-stop that nobody will pick up on.

8. A Cruise

Are you fucking kidding me? A cruise? For your honeymoon? Gross. Thats all.