If youre over persons under the age of 25, June makes one of two things: either a) everyone you are familiar with and their fucking brother is getting married or b) youre getting married. “Were not receiving” c. Those are the only two options. Fortunately, as we get closer to July, all the wedding, desire, wedding bullshit starts to slow down because its so red-hot that getting married or doing anything that involves leaving the house sounds fucking miz. In situate of the eternally bridal year and better daytime ever Instagrams youll start to see baecation and never leaving ones take their home. In other texts, honeymoon season is upon us. Thats why were breaking down what your honeymoon destination says about you. So you can choose wisely or judge the shit out of your dowdy miserable newlywed friends. Either room you win!

1. Mexico

Cancun? For your honeymoon? Groundbreaking. Mexico, for some conclude Ill never understand, has become the more popular place for newlyweds. Jolly much, if this is what you choose, youre clich af. Your centre probs booked this for you and freaked the fuck out when he found a residence where all the meat was included. Bless him and his cheap-ass centre. Youll enjoy yourself, but secretly youll be thinking about how much more recreation you had in Mexico during outpouring shatter sophomore year and how much better the fornication was with Johnny the Sigma Chi than your new spouse. Bummer. Like your unoriginal honeymoon option, youll live a reasonably basic life. In a few years, youll move to the suburbs, pop out a few kids and live a completely boring life.

2. Europe

Youre doing the honeymoon for the ‘gram and everyone knows it. You care a lot what parties thoughts and want to come off as mode more cultured and original than your other newlywed sidekicks who are laying on a beach somewhere. Your best reminiscences were probs from when you analyzed abroad in Europe and you coerced your fianc into booking this tour instead of an all-inclusive somewhere because you wanted to make those same recognitions with him. Vom. Because you care so much about what parties believe, your matrimony appears perfect to intruders but behind closed doors some serious shit is down. Youll simulated everything is okay until you catch him screwing his secretary and then youll gully his ass and take his money with you. Mazel!

3. Anywhere In The Continental U.S.

I mean, severely? I know the Grand Canyon is pretty and Napa has some of the worlds better wine, but live a bit. You just tied yourself to one person and missionary copulation for the rest of their own lives, the least you can do is leave the country. When you stay stateside, you shape the Mexico crew look like true-life wanderlustersthats how fucking lame “you think youre”. When people ask why youre not actually “re going away”, youll act all holier than thou about not necessary a fancy expedition because wedding your soulmate is celebration enough but deep down youre already starting to hysterium about how uneventfully your life is washing out. I’m not saying anyone who has their honeymoon in the U.S. is destined to have a mid-life crisis where they freak out, fuck the red-hot brand-new apprentice at their undertaking, and have a messy divorce, but I’m likewise not saying that.

4. French Polynesia

Tahiti, Bora Bora and the likes are reserved for the super wealthy nostalgic kinds. Sure, most honeymoons expenditure more than what a duo can afford, but it takes genuine fund to be able to drop-off $20 k on a week-long vacay. Like, I cant do that even if I wanted to.( Ok, you got me, I want to .) Your spouse is likely in commerce or taking over the family business, while you have family fund but “ve managed” territory a executioner PR job right out of college. When you decide to have girls youll hire at the least three nannies and say its because youre working parents, but really its because you dont want to give up your sumptuous lifestyle of traveling of all the countries and black tie galas.

5. Caribbean

Anywhere in the Caribbean tends to be a popular pick when it comes to chosen by the perfect discern for a honeymoon. There are different islands for different vibes: Jamaica and Puerto Rico for median peeps, St. Barts and Anguilla for the bougie betches, and a cluster of shit in the middle. If you go to the Caribbean after your wedding youre most probably the life of the party and everyone likes you. Youre not as lame as the peoples of the territories going to Mexico but not as snobby the Bora Bora gang. Youll live in the city for a few years and then move to an up-and-coming suburb when you decide to start a fam. Your kids will probs be cool very and youll grow old with your cool little family.

6. Asia

Like the newlyweds that go to Europe, you care what WAY too much parties consider and cant wait to pole honeymoon pics of your Asian adventure on social media, but rather than being a sophisticated, Upper East side type, youre a hipster pair that composts all your litter and evaluates the shit out of people who conceive Starbucks is good coffee. In other statements, your bridal had mason cups and burlap and you’re kind of the worst. When you get home, youll tell everyone that verifying the Tian Tan Buddha statue in Hong Kong was the most spiritual extraordinary time of your life, but you actually liked journeying elephants in Thailand better. In the future, youll sell your apartment in the town to get a minuscule hut or an RV or some other hipster bullshit in the middle of nowhere. Youll go off the grid and no one will miss you. Oh, and you inhale a lot of weed.

7. Hawaii

Hawaii is for the couple who, despite being in their late 20 s, is actually like fucking 40 years old at heart. If this is you, you stopped taking family planning on the wedding night and is very likely to get pregnant sometime during the course of its tour because youre ready to be a mom like, yesterday. The wedding ceremony was in a religion that youve been going to your whole life and there was a reception right after in a barn with alone brew and wine-coloured. Id bet your last name is Smith or Jones. In a few years, youll grow the president of the PTA and start a blog about motherhood called Mom-Stop, a play on non-stop that no one will pick up on.

8. A Cruise

Are you fucking kidding me? A cruise? For your honeymoon? Gross. Thats all.