If youre over the age of 25, June means one of two things: either a) everyone you are familiar and their fucking brother is getting married or b) youre getting married. There is no c. Those are the only two options. Luckily, as we get closer to July, all the wedding, ardour, matrimony bullshit starts to slow down because its so hot that getting married or doing anything that involves leaving the house chimes fucking miz. In lieu of the eternally wed date and excellent era ever Instagrams youll start to see baecation and never leaving ones take their place. In other texts, honeymoon season is upon us. Thats why were breaking down what your honeymoon destination pronounces about you. So you can choose wisely or judge the shit out of your seedy sad newlywed pals. Either method you win!

1. Mexico

Cancun? For your honeymoon? Groundbreaking. Mexico, for some reason Ill never understand, has become the most popular place for newlyweds. Fairly much, if this is what you choose, youre clich af. Your hubs probs booked this for you and freaked the fuck out when he found a place where all the meat was included. Bless him and his cheap-ass nature. Youll enjoy yourself, but secretly youll be thinking about how much more fun you had in Mexico during outpouring snap sophomore time and how much better the fornication was with Johnny the Sigma Chi than your new spouse. Bummer. Like your unoriginal honeymoon select, youll live a fairly basic life. In a few years, youll move to the outskirt, pop out a few teenagers and live a wholly boring life.

2. Europe

Youre doing the honeymoon for the ‘gram and everyone knows it. You care a lot what parties suppose and want to come off as path more cultured and original than your other newlywed pals who are laying on a beach somewhere. Your best remembers were probs from when you learnt abroad in Europe and you obliged your fianc into booking this trip instead of an all-inclusive somewhere because you wanted to attain those same reminiscences with him. Vom. Because you care so much about what parties visualize, your matrimony looks perfect to strangers but behind closed- door some serious shit goes down. Youll simulated everything is okay until you catch him bolt his secretary and then youll furrow his ass and take his fund with you. Mazel!

3. Anywhere In The Continental U.S.

I mean, earnestly? I know the Grand Canyon is pretty and Napa has some of the worlds good wine-colored, but live a bit. You precisely tied yourself to one person and missionary sex for the rest of your life, the least you can do is leave the country. When you stay stateside, you stimulate the Mexico crew look like true-life wanderlustersthats how fucking lame “you think youre”. When beings ask why youre not actually going somewhere, youll play all holier than thou about not needing a fancy tour because marriage your soulmate is celebration enough but deep down youre already starting to panic about how uneventfully your life is washing out. I’m not alleging anyone who has their honeymoon in the U.S. is destined to have a mid-life crisis where they freak out, fuck the red-hot new intern at their profession, and have a messy divorce, but I’m also not saying that.

4. French Polynesia

Tahiti, Bora Bora and the likes are reserved for the super wealthy romantic categories. Sure, most honeymoons overhead more than what a pair can render, but it takes true-life money is capable of being put $20 k on a week-long vacay. Like, I cant do that even if I wanted to.( Ok, you got me, I want to .) Your spouse is perhaps in investment or taking over their own families business, while you have family money but managed to property a killer PR job right out of college. When you decide to have boys youll hire at least three nannies and said today because youre working parents, but certainly its because you dont want to give up your plush lifestyle of traveling in the world and black tie galas.

5. Caribbean

Anywhere in the Caribbean tends to be a popular alternative when it comes to chosen by the perfect recognise for a honeymoon. There are different islands for different vibes: Jamaica and Puerto Rico for median peeps, St. Barts and Anguilla for the bougie betches, and a knot of shit in the middle. If you go to the Caribbean after your wedding youre most probably the life of the party and everyone likes you. Youre not as lame as the people going to Mexico but not as snobby the Bora Bora gang. Youll live in the city for a few years and then move to an up-and-coming neighbourhood when you decide to start a fam. Your children will probs be cool extremely and youll grow old with your cool little family.

6. Asia

Like the newlyweds that go to Europe, you care what WAY too much people recall and cant wait to post honeymoon pics of your Asian adventure on social media, but rather than has become a sophisticated, Upper East side type, youre a hipster pair that composts all your waste and reviewers the shit out of people who envisage Starbucks is good coffee. In other statements, your bridal had mason containers and burlap and you’re kind of the worst. When you get home, youll tell everyone that discovering the Tian Tan Buddha statue in Hong Kong was the most spiritual marvelous minute of their own lives, but you actually liked journeying elephants in Thailand better. In the future, youll sell your apartment in the city to get a minuscule cabin or an RV or some other hipster bullshit in the middle of nowhere. Youll go off the grid and nobody will miss you. Oh, and you inhale a lot of weed.

7. Hawaii

Hawaii is for the couple who, despite is available on their late 20 s, is actually like fucking 40 years old at heart. If this is you, you stopped taking birth control on the wedding night and will probably get pregnant sometime during the course of its trip-up because youre ready to be a mommy like, yesterday. The wedding ceremony was in a faith that youve been going to your whole life and there was a receipt right after in a barn with alone brew and wine-coloured. Id bet your last name is Smith or Jones. In a few years, youll grow the chairperson of the PTA and start a blog about motherhood announced Mom-Stop, a play on non-stop that no one will pick up on.

8. A Cruise

Are you fucking kidding me? A cruise? For your honeymoon? Gross. Thats all.