If youre over the age of 25, June necessitates one of two things: either a) everyone you know and their own brother is getting married or b) youre getting married. There is no c. Those are the only two alternatives. Luckily, as we get closer to July, all the bridal, passion, matrimony bullshit starts to slow down because its so red-hot that getting married or doing anything that involves leaving the house reverberates fucking miz. In residence of the eternally wed year and good daytime ever Instagrams youll start to see baecation and never leaving ones take their place. In other statements, honeymoon season is upon us. Thats why were breaking down what your honeymoon destination reads about you. So you can choose wisely or evaluate the shit out of your dowdy newlywed friends. Either space you acquire!

1. Mexico

Cancun? For your honeymoon? Groundbreaking. Mexico, for some reason Ill never understand, has already become the most popular discern for newlyweds. Reasonably much, if this is what you choose, youre clich af. Your hub probs booked this for you and freaked the fuck out when he found a situate where all the food was included. Bless him and his cheap-ass mettle. Youll enjoy yourself, but secretly youll be thinking about how much more fun you had in Mexico during springtime disintegrate sophomore time and how much better the fornication was with Johnny the Sigma Chi than your brand-new marriage. Bummer. Like your unoriginal honeymoon choice, youll live a somewhat basic life. In a few years, youll move to the suburb, pop out a few girls and live a completely boring life.

2. Europe

Youre doing the honeymoon for the ‘gram and everyone knows it. You care a lot what beings contemplate and want to come off as channel more cultured and original than your other newlywed sidekicks who are laying on a beach somewhere. The very best recollections were probs from when you analyzed abroad in Europe and you pressured your fianc into booking this tour instead of an all-inclusive somewhere because you wanted to represent those same recalls with him. Vom. Because you care so much about what people envisage, your marriage ogles perfect to strangers but behind closed doors some serious shit goes down. Youll pretend everything is okay until you catch him screwing his secretary and then youll furrow his ass and take his money with you. Mazel!

3. Anywhere In The Continental U.S.

I mean, severely? I know the Grand Canyon is pretty and Napa has some of the worlds excellent wine, but live a little. You simply tied yourself to one person and missionary sexuality for the rest of their own lives, the least you can do is leave the country. When you stay stateside, you stimulate the Mexico crew look like true wanderlustersthats how fucking lame you are. When people ask why youre not actually going somewhere, youll play all holier than thou about not needing a fancy excursion because marrying your soulmate is celebration enough but deep down youre already starting to panic about how uneventfully your life is panning out. I’m not announcing anyone who has their honeymoon in the U.S. is destined to have a mid-life crisis where they freak out, fuck the red-hot new intern at their chore, and have a messy divorce, but I’m likewise not saying that.

4. French Polynesia

Tahiti, Bora Bora and the likes are reserved for the super wealthy nostalgic kinds. Sure, most honeymoons payment more than what a duet can yield, but it takes true-blue coin is capable of being drop $20 k on a week-long vacay. Like, I cant do that even if I wanted to.( Ok, you got me, I want to .) Your marriage is perhaps in busines or taking over the family business, while you have family money but managed to territory a executioner PR job right out of college. When you decide to have minors youll hire at least three nannies and say its because youre working parents, but really its because you dont want to give up your sumptuous life of traveling around the world and black tie galas.

5. Caribbean

Anywhere in the Caribbean tends to be a popular selection when it comes to choosing the perfect recognize for a honeymoon. There are different islands for different vibes: Jamaica and Puerto Rico for median peeps, St. Barts and Anguilla for the bougie betches, and a cluster of shit in the middle. If you go to the Caribbean after your wedding youre most probably the life of the party and everyone likes you. Youre not as lame as the people going to Mexico but not as snobby the Bora Bora crew. Youll live in the city for a few years and then move to an up-and-coming outskirt when you decide to start a fam. Your boys will probs be cool extremely and youll grow old with your cool little family.

6. Asia

Like the newlyweds that go to Europe, you care what WAY too much parties feel and cant just waiting upright honeymoon pics of your Asian adventure on social media, but rather than being a sophisticated, Upper East side type, youre a hipster duo that composts all your garbage and evaluates the shit out of people who guess Starbucks is good coffee. In other messages, your wedding had mason containers and burlap and you’re kind of the worst. When you get home, youll tell everyone that meeting the Tian Tan Buddha statue in Hong Kong was the most spiritual incredible instant of your life, but you actually liked razzing elephants in Thailand better. In the future, youll sell your accommodation in the city to get a minuscule room or an RV or some other hipster bullshit in the middle of nowhere. Youll make off the grid and no one will miss you. Oh, and you smoke a lot of weed.

7. Hawaii

Hawaii is for the couple who, despite is available on their late 20 s, is actually like fucking 40 years old at heart. If this is you, you stopped taking family planning on the wedding night and is very likely to be pregnant sometime during the course of its errand because youre ready to be a mummy like, yesterday. The wedding ceremony was in a faith that youve been going to your whole life and there was a reception right after in a barn with alone brew and wine-coloured. Id bet your last name is Smith or Jones. In a few years, youll grow the president of the PTA and start a blog about motherhood announced Mom-Stop, a play on non-stop that nobody will pick up on.

8. A Cruise

Are you fucking kidding me? A cruise? For your honeymoon? Gross. Thats all.