If youre over the age of 25, June intends one of two things: either a) everyone you are familiar and their own brother is getting married or b) youre getting married. “Were not receiving” c. Those are the only two alternatives. Luckily, as we get closer to July, all the bridal, enjoy, matrimony bullshit starts to slow down because its so red-hot that getting married or doing anything that involves leaving the house resounds fucking miz. In situate of the forever marry appointment and best date ever Instagrams youll start to see baecation and never leaving ones take their neighbourhood. In other messages, honeymoon season is upon us. Thats why were breaking down what your honeymoon destination supposes about you. So you can choose wisely or judge the shit out of your seedy newlywed friends. Either road you acquire!

1. Mexico

Cancun? For your honeymoon? Groundbreaking. Mexico, for some reason Ill never understand, has already become the most popular recognise for newlyweds. Somewhat much, if this is what you choose, youre clich af. Your hub probs booked this for you and freaked the fuck out when he found a residence where all the nutrient was included. Bless him and his cheap-ass mettle. Youll enjoy yourself, but secretly youll be thinking about how much more recreation you had in Mexico during spring break sophomore time and how much better the fornication was with Johnny the Sigma Chi than your new spouse. Bummer. Like your unoriginal honeymoon pick, youll live a somewhat basic life. In a few years, youll move to the suburbium, pop out a few kids and live a entirely boring life.

2. Europe

Youre doing the honeymoon for the ‘gram and everyone knows it. You care a lot what beings guess and want to come off as acces more cultured and original than your other newlywed acquaintances who are laying on a beach somewhere. Your best memories were probs from when you learnt abroad in Europe and you obliged your fianc into booking this trip instead of an all-inclusive somewhere because you wanted to reach those same reminiscences with him. Vom. Because you care so much about what people contemplate, your wedlock gazes perfect to intruders but behind closed- door some serious shit is down. Youll simulated everything is okay until you catch him screwing his secretary and then youll furrow his ass and take his coin with you. Mazel!

3. Anywhere In The Continental U.S.

I mean, severely? I know the Grand Canyon is pretty and Napa has some “of the worlds” excellent wine-coloured, but live a bit. You only tied yourself to one person and missionary sex for the rest of their own lives, the least you can do is leave the country. When “youre staying” stateside, you construct the Mexico crew look like true-blue wanderlustersthats how fucking lame you are. When people ask why youre not actually “re going away”, youll behave all holier than thou about not involving a fancy expedition because marriage your soulmate is celebration enough but deep down youre already starting to panic about how uneventfully your life is washing out. I’m not mentioning anyone who has their honeymoon in the U.S. is destined to have a mid-life crisis where they freak out, fuck the red-hot brand-new intern at their enterprise, and have a messy divorce, but I’m likewise not saying that.

4. French Polynesia

Tahiti, Bora Bora and the likes are reserved for the super affluent nostalgic characters. Sure, most honeymoons expenditure more than what a duo can render, but it takes true-life coin to be able to plunge $20 k on a week-long vacay. Like, I cant do that even if I wanted to.( Ok, you got me, I want to .) Your spouse is likely in finance or taking over the family business, while you have kinfolk fund but managed to territory a gunman PR job right out of college. When you decide to have children youll hire at least three nannies and say its because youre working parents, but actually its because you dont want to give up your sumptuous life of traveling around the world and black tie galas.

5. Caribbean

Anywhere in the Caribbean tends to be a popular option when it comes to chosen by the perfect place for a honeymoon. There are different islands for different vibes: Jamaica and Puerto Rico for median peeps, St. Barts and Anguilla for the bougie betches, and a knot of shit in the middle. If you go to the Caribbean after your wedding youre most likely the life of the working party and everyone likes you. Youre not as lame as the peoples of the territories going to Mexico but not as snobby the Bora Bora crew. Youll live in the city for a few years and then move to an up-and-coming suburbium when you decide to start a fam. Your minors will probs be cool too and youll grow old with your cool little family.

6. Asia

Like the newlyweds that go to Europe, you care what WAY too much beings envision and cant wait to post honeymoon pics of your Asian adventure on social media, but rather than has become a sophisticated, Upper East side type, youre a hipster couple that composts all your trash and magistrates the shit out of people who belief Starbucks is good coffee. In other paroles, your wedding had mason cups and burlap and you’re kind of the worst. When you get home, youll tell everyone that looking the Tian Tan Buddha statue in Hong Kong was the most spiritual unbelievable instant of your life, but you actually liked journeying elephants in Thailand better. In the future, youll sell your apartment in the city to get a tiny cabin or an RV or some other hipster bullshit in the middle of nowhere. Youll make off the grid and no one will “ve missed you”. Oh, and you inhale a lot of weed.

7. Hawaii

Hawaii is for the couple who, despite is available on their late 20 s, is actually like fucking 40 years old at heart. If this is you, you stopped taking family planning on the wedding night and is very likely to be pregnant sometime during the expedition because youre ready to be a mommy like, yesterday. The wedding ceremony was in a religion that youve been going to your whole life and there was a reception right after in a barn with only beer and wine-colored. Id bet your last name is Smith or Jones. In a few years, youll grow the chairperson of the PTA and start a blog about motherhood announced Mom-Stop, a play on non-stop that nobody will pick up on.

8. A Cruise

Are you fucking kidding me? A cruise? For your honeymoon? Gross. Thats all.