If youre over the age of 25, June signifies one of two things: either a) everyone you know and their other brother is getting married or b) youre getting married. There is no c. Those are the only two options. Fortunately, as we get closer to July, all the bridal, enjoy, wedding bullshit starts to slow down because its so red-hot that getting married or doing anything that involves leaving the house clangs fucking miz. In home of the forever bridal appointment and best daylight ever Instagrams youll start to see baecation and never leaving ones take their home. In other paroles, honeymoon season is upon us. Thats why were breaking down what your honeymoon destination says about you. So you can choose wisely or judge the shit out of your tacky newlywed sidekicks. Either practice you triumph!

1. Mexico

Cancun? For your honeymoon? Groundbreaking. Mexico, for some reasonablenes Ill never understand, has already become the most popular smudge for newlyweds. Somewhat much, if this is what you choose, youre clich af. Your hubs probs booked this for you and freaked the fuck out when he found a neighbourhood where all the meat was included. Bless him and his cheap-ass middle. Youll enjoy yourself, but secretly youll be thinking about how much more recreation you had in Mexico during springtime escape sophomore year and how much better the sex was with Johnny the Sigma Chi than your new marriage. Bummer. Like your unoriginal honeymoon select, youll live a pretty basic life. In a few years, youll move to the neighbourhood, pop out a few kids and live a absolutely boring life.

2. Europe

Youre doing the honeymoon for the ‘gram and everyone is well aware. You care a lot what people visualize and want to come off as way more cultured and original than your other newlywed acquaintances who are laying on a beach somewhere. The very best remembrances were probs from when you considered abroad in Europe and you compelled your fianc into booking this tour instead of an all-inclusive somewhere because you wanted to make those same retentions with him. Vom. Because you care so much about what people reckon, your marriage appears perfect to strangers but behind closed doors some serious shit goes down. Youll pretend everything is okay until you catch him clamping his secretary and then youll trench his ass and take his money with you. Mazel!

3. Anywhere In The Continental U.S.

I mean, gravely? I know the Grand Canyon is pretty and Napa has some of countries around the world excellent wine-coloured, but live a bit. You precisely tied yourself to one person and missionary sexuality for the rest of your life, the least you can do is leave the country. When “youre staying” stateside, you represent the Mexico crew look like true-life wanderlustersthats how fucking lame you are. When beings ask why youre not actually “re going away”, youll behave all holier than thou about not necessary a fancy tour because marrying your soulmate is celebration enough but deep down youre already starting to terror about how uneventfully your life is washing out. I’m not saying anyone who has their honeymoon in the U.S. is destined to have a mid-life crisis where they freak out, fuck the red-hot brand-new intern at their undertaking, and have a chaotic divorce, but I’m too not saying that.

4. French Polynesia

Tahiti, Bora Bora and the likes are reserved for the super wealthy nostalgic types. Sure, most honeymoons expenditure more than what a pair can afford, but it takes true-life money is allowed to droop $20 k on a week-long vacay. Like, I cant do that even if I wanted to.( Ok, you got me, I want to .) Your spouse is perhaps in finance or taking over the family business, while you have pedigree coin but managed to property a murderer PR job right out of college. When you decide to have kids youll hire at the least three nannies and say its because youre working parents, but genuinely its because you dont want to give up your plush life of traveling all over the world and black tie galas.

5. Caribbean

Anywhere in the Caribbean tends to be a popular alternative when it comes to choosing the perfect smudge for a honeymoon. There are different islands for different vibes: Jamaica and Puerto Rico for average peeps, St. Barts and Anguilla for the bougie betches, and a cluster of shit in the middle. If you go to the Caribbean after your wedding youre most likely the life of the party and everyone likes you. Youre not as lame as the peoples of the territories going to Mexico but not as snobby the Bora Bora crew. Youll live in the city for a few years and then move to an up-and-coming outskirt when you decide to start a fam. Your kids will probs be cool very and youll grow old with your cool little family.

6. Asia

Like the newlyweds that go to Europe, you care what WAY too much people suppose and cant just waiting berth honeymoon pics of your Asian adventure on social media, but rather than being a sophisticated, Upper East side type, youre a hipster pair that composts all your squander and adjudicates the shit out of people who contemplate Starbucks is good coffee. In other words, your wed had mason cups and burlap and you’re kind of the most difficult. When you get home, youll tell everyone that receiving the Tian Tan Buddha statue in Hong Kong was the most spiritual incredible moment of your life, but you actually liked razzing elephants in Thailand better. In the future, youll sell your accommodation in the city to get a minuscule compartment or an RV or some other hipster bullshit in the middle of nowhere. Youll go off the grid and no one will “ve missed you”. Oh, and you smoke a lot of weed.

7. Hawaii

Hawaii is for the couple who, despite being in their late 20 s, is actually like fucking 40 years old at heart. If this is you, you stopped taking family planning on the wedding night and is very likely to was pregnant sometime during the course of its tour because youre ready to be a mom like, yesterday. The wedding ceremony was in a religion that youve been going to your whole life and there was a reception right after in a barn with alone brew and wine. Id bet your last name is Smith or Jones. In a few years, youll become the president of the PTA and start a blog about motherhood announced Mom-Stop, a play on non-stop that no one will pick up on.

8. A Cruise

Are you fucking kidding me? A cruise? For your honeymoon? Gross. Thats all.