If youre over the age of 25, June makes one of two things: either a) everyone you know and their own brother is getting married or b) youre getting married. “Were not receiving” c. Those are the only two options. Luckily, as we get closer to July, all the marry, adore, union bullshit starts to slow down because its so hot that getting married or doing anything that involves leaving the house seems fucking miz. In residence of the eternally wedding appointment and excellent day ever Instagrams youll start to see baecation and never leaving ones take their residence. In other texts, honeymoon season is upon us. Thats why were breaking down what your honeymoon destination answers about you. So you can choose wisely or judge the shit out of your dowdy dismal newlywed friends. Either way you win!

1. Mexico

Cancun? For your honeymoon? Groundbreaking. Mexico, for some conclude Ill never understand, has already become the most popular recognize for newlyweds. Fairly much, if this is what you choose, youre clich af. Your hub probs booked this for you and freaked the fuck out when he found a plaza where all the food was included. Bless him and his cheap-ass middle. Youll enjoy yourself, but privately youll be thinking about how much more fun you had in Mexico during outpouring divulge sophomore year and how significantly greater the sexuality was with Johnny the Sigma Chi than your brand-new spouse. Bummer. Like your unoriginal honeymoon alternative, youll live a fairly basic life. In a few years, youll move to the neighbourhood, pop out a few minors and live a completely boring life.

2. Europe

Youre doing the honeymoon for the ‘gram and everyone knows it. You care a lot what beings envisage and want to come off as path more cultured and original than your other newlywed acquaintances who are laying on a beach somewhere. The very best remembers were probs from when you analyzed abroad in Europe and you compelled your fianc into booking this excursion instead of an all-inclusive somewhere because you wanted to clear those same reminiscences with him. Vom. Because you care so much about what beings consider, your union searches perfect to outsiders but behind closed doors some serious shit is down. Youll simulate everything is okay until you catch him bolt his secretary and then youll ditch his ass and take his fund with you. Mazel!

3. Anywhere In The Continental U.S.

I mean, gravely? I know the Grand Canyon is pretty and Napa has some of the worlds best wine, but live a little. You exactly tied yourself to one person and missionary sex for the rest of your life, the least you can do is leave the country. When you stay stateside, you represent the Mexico crew look like genuine wanderlustersthats how fucking lame “you think youre”. When beings ask why youre not actually going somewhere, youll play all holier than thou about not necessary a fancy tour because marriage your soulmate is celebration enough but deep down youre already starting to terror about how uneventfully your life is washing out. I’m not pronouncing anyone who has their honeymoon in the U.S. is destined to have a mid-life crisis where they freak out, fuck the red-hot brand-new apprentice at their position, and have a messy divorce, but I’m likewise not saying that.

4. French Polynesia

Tahiti, Bora Bora and the likes are reserved for the super wealthy nostalgic natures. Sure, most honeymoons overhead more than what a duo can render, but it takes genuine fund is capable of being plunge $20 k on a week-long vacay. Like, I cant do that even if I wanted to.( Ok, you got me, I want to .) Your marriage is possibly in investment or taking over the family business, while you have clas fund but “ve managed” territory a assassin PR job right out of college. When you decide to have minors youll hire at least three nannies and say its because youre working parents, but actually its because you dont want to give up your deluxe lifestyle of traveling in the world and black tie galas.

5. Caribbean

Anywhere in the Caribbean tends to be a popular choice when it comes to chosen by the perfect place for a honeymoon. There are different islands for different vibes: Jamaica and Puerto Rico for average peeps, St. Barts and Anguilla for the bougie betches, and a knot of shit in the middle. If you go to the Caribbean after your wedding youre most likely the life of the party and everyone likes you. Youre not as lame as the people going to Mexico but not as snobby the Bora Bora gang. Youll live in the city for a few years and then move to an up-and-coming neighbourhood when you decide to start a fam. Your kids will probs be cool too and youll grow old with your cool little family.

6. Asia

Like the newlyweds that go to Europe, you care what WAY too much people suppose and cant wait to berth honeymoon pics of your Asian adventure on social media, but rather than being a sophisticated, Upper East side type, youre a hipster duet that composts all your litter and magistrates the shit out of people who speculate Starbucks is good coffee. In other messages, your wedding had mason containers and burlap and you’re kind of the worst. When you get home, youll tell everyone that verifying the Tian Tan Buddha statue in Hong Kong was the most spiritual stupendous minute of your life, but you actually liked riding elephants in Thailand better. In the future, youll sell your suite in the city to get a minuscule compartment or an RV or some other hipster bullshit in the middle of nowhere. Youll make off the grid and no one will miss you. Oh, and you smoke a lot of weed.

7. Hawaii

Hawaii is for the couple who, despite is available on their late 20 s, is actually like fucking 40 years old at heart. If this is you, you stopped taking family planning on the wedding night and is very likely to be pregnant sometime during the journey because youre ready to be a mommy like, yesterday. The wedding ceremony was in a religion that youve been going to your whole life and there was a receipt right after in a barn with alone beer and wine-coloured. Id bet your last name is Smith or Jones. In a few years, youll become the president of the PTA and start a blog about motherhood called Mom-Stop, a play on non-stop that no one will pick up on.

8. A Cruise

Are you fucking kidding me? A cruise? For your honeymoon? Gross. Thats all.